yeah ok, this is boring. sorry.

As part of the ongoing quest to understand America, I turned to the American Music Awards, where big man Toby Keith (left) channeled his inner Meatloaf. And the lesson from all this gluttony? Evidently, Real Americans like their Real American Celebrities to remind them of the good old days of family values and truckstop conception. To his credit, Toby was able to massage the pride of Real Americans into a throbbing fury with lyrics like: "You'll be sorry you messed with the U.S. of A. 'cause we'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American way."

And, something else waaaaaaaay on the other end of the spectrum, for the demographic of people known to respond to courtesy with: "Really, darling, you're too generous. We normally let the help do that." Woke up this morning a very special Times "Giving" section, for all of the philanthropists out there, with such headlines as "What One Sandwich Can Feed," "What To Do With All Those Stamps," and my favorite, "It's for a Good Cause, So Shut Up and Deal." Bottom line -- the point of having a "Giving" section in a newspaper eludes me, but the Times occupies HBO status for newspapers, so a special section that milks charities to pay for full page ads even works.

Alright, some ground rules -- we don't discuss the blog in public. As I'm already a real pro at slaughtering first impressions, I'm certain the label "blogger" really won't contribute heavily to my marriage material ranking. As a result, describe me as a jackass, describe me as pudgy and unkempt, describe me as a total aspirant, but avoid the b-word, eh?

I caved & now own an iPod. What really makes me happy about it is that the maximum volume setting is extremely high. This means that I don't feel threatened by my loud-ish volume setting, as it is only halfway up in the volume meter. And if it's only halfway up, then there's no way I'm going deaf, yes?

Oh hot damn, I'm 22 today. I'm just sitting here waiting for the day when my life experiences will cease to be vicarious. Regardless, bedtime diapers are now a year closer.