i'll be alpha-male in a week
Number of google hits with the words "devdoot majumdar" and:
"insecure" or "insecurity" - 18
"boring" - 33
"aspirant" - 8
"cheerful" - 0
These stats kind of got me thinking -- I've been a little thorough with the "people are insecure and boring" line of thought. It all kind of clicked when I got some positive reinforcement yesterday ("yeah todays blog is awful"). Right, so bottom line, I'm taking a break from the word "insecure."
Inevitably, gossip will get where it needs to go in order to get a rise out of as many people as possible, at least among my circles. So I find out yesterday that a former friend of mine enjoys the phrase, "Dev is interesting, but boy does he have issues." Don't worry people, I stopped myself short of having an epiphany. Whether I have more issues than your average aspirant remains to be seen, but I'm less concerned with actually "having issues" and more concerned with the bad PR associated.
So, this week will be a true attempt at coming off like a guy who has no serious issues. That could solve everything: my unintentional use of Woody Allenisms, my secret dream of achieving real Alpha-maledom, my inability to use urinals next to other people... and the list goes on.
Other news -- diction issues, again. I need some hip new phrases to match my otherwise post-postal-service personality. Apparently "not so much" came straight from Friends. "Autopilot" and "who's the catch" are now written about in detail in a book by the Sex & The City writers. Looks like I'm pulling a Merck. You're only as good as your best one-liner, after all. So, I've taken to think up new catch phrases to present to the readers of this blog for ready basting right into pop culture:
"set the table": preparing for a conversation by thinking of topics and leadins as well as common history that you share with the person. So, you 'set the table' for people when you're unsure of their skills at providing a silence-free, totally ad-libbed conversation. I feel like everyone does this -- you're driving to visit a high school friend, so you dig through your memories to think of some shared moments for use as conversational fodder, yes?
Finally, a note to all girls in high school who read this blog: join that sorority. You'll feel better, you'll feel cooler, you'll feel hotter, and you'll feel exclusive like Pat O'Brien at a Vanity Fair partay. Some Saturday night drama resulted in the following being said (not to me, clearly): "You're shit. You're just shit because you were never in a sorority."
The moral of the story was "don't mess with Aphi," as it was some Aphi disparaging that started the whole thing. But grander scheme, it was a comment that reveals something about the way the Greek world peers out of its toiletbowl. And, no less exciting, the "shit" comment was spoken by the type of girl that would react to 65-degree weather with the full ensemble of Gap scarves and mittens and sweaters and socks with the toe-dividers in perky colors like magenta and neon green with yellow snowflakes. You think saferide sucks -- walking around UCLA is being stuck on a saferide bus for eternity.
Alright, so begins the week where I pretend I don't have issues...
"insecure" or "insecurity" - 18
"boring" - 33
"aspirant" - 8
"cheerful" - 0
These stats kind of got me thinking -- I've been a little thorough with the "people are insecure and boring" line of thought. It all kind of clicked when I got some positive reinforcement yesterday ("yeah todays blog is awful"). Right, so bottom line, I'm taking a break from the word "insecure."
Inevitably, gossip will get where it needs to go in order to get a rise out of as many people as possible, at least among my circles. So I find out yesterday that a former friend of mine enjoys the phrase, "Dev is interesting, but boy does he have issues." Don't worry people, I stopped myself short of having an epiphany. Whether I have more issues than your average aspirant remains to be seen, but I'm less concerned with actually "having issues" and more concerned with the bad PR associated.
So, this week will be a true attempt at coming off like a guy who has no serious issues. That could solve everything: my unintentional use of Woody Allenisms, my secret dream of achieving real Alpha-maledom, my inability to use urinals next to other people... and the list goes on.
Other news -- diction issues, again. I need some hip new phrases to match my otherwise post-postal-service personality. Apparently "not so much" came straight from Friends. "Autopilot" and "who's the catch" are now written about in detail in a book by the Sex & The City writers. Looks like I'm pulling a Merck. You're only as good as your best one-liner, after all. So, I've taken to think up new catch phrases to present to the readers of this blog for ready basting right into pop culture:
"set the table": preparing for a conversation by thinking of topics and leadins as well as common history that you share with the person. So, you 'set the table' for people when you're unsure of their skills at providing a silence-free, totally ad-libbed conversation. I feel like everyone does this -- you're driving to visit a high school friend, so you dig through your memories to think of some shared moments for use as conversational fodder, yes?
Finally, a note to all girls in high school who read this blog: join that sorority. You'll feel better, you'll feel cooler, you'll feel hotter, and you'll feel exclusive like Pat O'Brien at a Vanity Fair partay. Some Saturday night drama resulted in the following being said (not to me, clearly): "You're shit. You're just shit because you were never in a sorority."
The moral of the story was "don't mess with Aphi," as it was some Aphi disparaging that started the whole thing. But grander scheme, it was a comment that reveals something about the way the Greek world peers out of its toiletbowl. And, no less exciting, the "shit" comment was spoken by the type of girl that would react to 65-degree weather with the full ensemble of Gap scarves and mittens and sweaters and socks with the toe-dividers in perky colors like magenta and neon green with yellow snowflakes. You think saferide sucks -- walking around UCLA is being stuck on a saferide bus for eternity.
Alright, so begins the week where I pretend I don't have issues...
posted by devdoot majumdar at 7:14 PM
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